How I'm Feeling Right Now:

I'll post more later and get around to responding to the crit from last night. Thanks to those who responded. I really don't want to have to fix this. *sighs*

"I offer thanks to those before me," that's all I’ve got to say.
'Cause maybe you squandered big bucks in your lifetime
Now I have to pay.

But then again it feels like some sort of inspiration
To let the next life off the hook.
And she'll say, "Look what I had to overcome from my last life,
I think I'll write a book."

How long till my soul gets it right?

First Night of Shakin'

I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me
Don’t say I’m out of touch
With this rampant chaos - your reality
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge

I worked up a sweat, places hurt in my legs, hips, and feet that should not. It was glorious. I felt so ugly in my grey slacks and cashmere sweater, but as my hips loosened up and I was able to close my eyes and do the steps without looking, I wanted to be pretty again. I wanted to colour my hair, paint my toenails, and buy pretty dresses and scarves and such. Thirsty, I stopped in to the Wow! Bubble Tea place on the Ave to grab some fruit drink or other, and the young, cute 'n' fuckable Japanese boy behind the counter blinked in amazement that I had never tried tapioca balls (I didn't know tapiocas had balls, and I didn't think it would be appropriate to ask him to put his in instead -- throw in a little pineapple and we could have called it a Cockatiel). He said my name again and again as me charged me and prepared my mango and peach (with tapioca ball) cocktail (minus the cock), almost as if he liked it. "Raven. Hmm ... Raven." If only it were in a different context, and his old father hadn't been standing nearby.

Anyway, I step off the bus, only to realize that I left my wonderfully funny, floppy, reversible purple velvet hat back at the University Heights Center, and I doubted very highly they would have someone sitting by a phone waiting to hear from me about my lost&found item. So, I'll be calling tomorrow after I return home from the ghastly excursion to C.A.M.P. to beg and plead for assistance with our current electric bill. Again, a tangent.

Let's see here ... so, I trod on home (uphill, both ways in the snow, only no snow), feeling the residual energy of Ana in the dining room, only to find that everyone is gone and I am greeting an empty, lonely, desolate apartment with no one to share my glorious hip-shaking experiences with (and get a little sympathy for my joint-aching at that). I tried to call damashita for a pick-me-up and heavenly distraction (she's really yummy, in case you don't already know her), but busy signal, busy signal. And silly me, instead of keeping myself moving by getting stuff done that needs doing (i.e. putting up decorations, sorting through documents for tomorrow's appointment, cleaning dishes, sorting the shoe closet, archiving old journals, stretching, cleaning under desk, etc.&), I end up changing my clothes, throwing on my Evanescence CD, turning off the lights, and flopping down on my empty bed. I let the loneliness take over, and pondered how a little joint pain can completely ruin my usually manic upswing out of or through my anxiety. Murfle. I lamented to my brain about how tragic was my life procrastination, how greatly I missed my child, and how many things I ought to be doing. The music reminded me of the story I ought to be writing, and I hicupped with a stabbing pain that prevented the tears I should be crying these days. Where is the crying? Hm? Spirit said tears=healing. Blargh. No tears.

So, have I gone on long enough? Yes, I think so. *hip-shake, hip-shake, sway, sway, shoulder drop, shimmy*

I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don't let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life

A couple of links I've been meaning to share with you:
Customers Suck: Kenneling Robodog

Suzette Haden Elgin's publishing woes. (If you don't already know her writing, I highly recommend her Native Tongue for fiction, and she has many verbal self-defense books out there. She's my new linguist hero. ♥)