Re: Apology Letter

An Open Apology to All My Weight Loss Clients

I read this and cried and cried and I'm crying while I type. I *know* all of this. I lived it as the skinny, active child put on diets, I lived it as the daughter of an exquisitely beautiful woman whose husband kept telling her she needed to lose weight. I lived it as the orphaned daughter of a woman who died a slow, painful, humiliating death because of what all that dieting did to her. I know better now, and I'd begun learning when my mom quit the dieting game (until the last two years of her life) and started advocating for size acceptance.

"As an individual, as women, as a company, hell, as a nation, we don't stand up for that girl? What is wrong with us? There ain't nothing right about that. Nothing."

No one stood up for her when she was a size 12 and an active chess player, student, and photographer with three daughters to care for. No one stood up for my 10 - 13 year old self when I was put on Jenny Craig, Optifast, Deal-a-Meal, Weight Watchers -- not because I was fat, but because I could become fat, and because it was easier to have us all survive on tiny Lean Cuisine portions than feed a growing child what she needed. And the gods forgive my mother, as I do; the worst beating I ever got was the day I was hungry and needed breakfast so I tried to make the Jenny Craig pancake mix and they turned out horrid. I didn't understand then that she was starving, and I'd just eaten one of the few things she was "allowed" to eat, but I now know what it means to go hungry, how hard it is to stay in control of one's emotions.

I stand up now and speak out for my daughter whose friends teased her for thinking her fat Nana was beautiful. I stand up for friends who believe if they just eat a little less, if they just deny themselves a little more, their bodies will be acceptable in the eyes of society.

The author wrote, "When did everyone stop eating and become professional dieters?"

Now I really have to be careful. Careful not to eat the growing list of foods that make me sick, careful to eat *enough* fats and protein and nutrients and probiotics and the Betaine HCL to be able to digest it all and not have it fail to be absorbed and simply pass through my body. I've had surgery to have a part of me removed because of dieting.

Stop buying into the message that fat is a disease. For some, it's a size, for others, at most, it's a symptom of a larger issue. Stop buying into the message that fat is ugly. Fat just is, and beauty, attraction, and what feels good are subjective. If you're fat, active, and feel great, don't change a thing. Don't feel good? Figure out if there's a food allergy, move more in ways you find pleasant, eat whole foods, and love yourself. Find what works for you. But starvation doesn't work to achieve healthy bodies. And all this goes for people of all sizes, too.