Everybody Else's Words

[neversremedy8]

Canada Becomes 4th Country To Legalize Gay Marriage
by Alexander Panetta, Canadian Press

(Ottawa) One of the most raucous debates in Canadian history resulted in a vote late Tuesday night that made Canada the fourth country to sanction same-sex marriage.

The Senate erupted in a loud cheer as it adopted the Liberal government's mill, which will give gay and lesbian couples the right to civil marriages.

The 47-21 vote came after years of court battles and debate that divided families, religious groups and even political allies.

As the debate dragged on Tuesday, the Liberals threatened to invoke closure and call a snap vote on the legislation. But the debate ran its course later in the night and members stood for a vote.

The country had been almost evenly split on the legislation, which found its greatest support among younger Canadians and small-l liberal voters.

But even within political clans the issue created irreconcilable fissures.

One Liberal MP - Pat O'Brien - quit his party caucus out of frustration with the bill and Joe Comuzzi resigned from the federal cabinet.

Conservative Leader Stephen Harper has said he will bring back the debate if he's elected prime minister.

One Conservative said voters will have the final say over Ottawa's decision to redefine marriage.

``Let the country speak at the next federal election,'' Tory Sen. Gerry St. Germain said hours before the bill passed. ``Let's not pass this legislation now. Let's wait. Let's make (the election) a referendum on this bill.''

The Liberals say only one tool remains at the disposal of anyone wishing to turn back the clock: the Constitution's so-called notwithstanding clause.

No federal government has ever used that provision in the Charter of Rights, which allows governments to overrule rights deemed fundamental.

The Tories and Liberals have sparred over whether the legislation was preventable. A top Liberal senator said Tuesday there was no end in sight to the bickering and that it was time to vote.

``There is no point in further postponement,'' said Jack Austin, the Liberal leader in the Senate.

``There are no new issues to be argued, there are no new positions to be taken.

``I think everyone in this chamber understands that we have _ along with the Canadian people _ come to our own conclusions.''

The Tories were hoping to amend C-38 to say marriage has traditionally been defined as the union of a man and woman.

But the government side had two reasons for opposing the Tory move.

First, they dismissed it as an insignificant and unnecessary change to the legislation.

But proponents of same-sex marriage had a deeper fear: that the bill could potentially be scrubbed if any changes were made at this point.

Amendments would have sent the bill back to the House of Commons, which is adjourned for the summer break, only to have it return for further debate in the fall.

Since the Liberals have a minority government, they could theoretically be toppled at any time and legislation before the Commons would disappear if there were an election.

The marriage legislation stems from a 2003 Ontario Court of Appeal ruling that the exclusion of same-sex couples from marriage was unconstitutional.

The government had fought same-sex couples in court but became a proponent of redefining marriage as courts in Ontario and seven other provinces sided with gays and lesbians.

Then-prime minister Jean Chretien announced in June 2003 that he would not appeal the Ontario ruling and that he would table legislation heeding to same-sex couples' wishes.

Bill C-38 would extend same-sex rights to Alberta and P.E.I., the only two provinces where courts have not yet struck down traditional marriage laws.

The legislation also stipulates that the new definition of marriage is only binding on public institutions like courthouses and city halls.

It says religious institutions - churches, mosques, synagogues and temples - and individuals can continue defining marriage as they see fit.

However, some public officials have said they fear they might lose their jobs if they refuse to marry same-sex couples because of their personal religious convictions.

Justice Minister Irwin Cotler has said those individuals - and their jobs - will be protected by the legislation and by the Charter of Rights's guarantee of religious freedom.

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Moon via jodawi. "Be sure to zoom all the way in."

Which reminds me, the 21st on my calendar is considered the "Blessing Moon" in full. Of course, I've come to understand I'm usually a day behind, so tomorrow night Ana and I are going to hold a blessing ritual. Anyone wish to be added to our list of blessings? (I'm already sending out some love and healing to those close to me.)

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The Hidden Homosexuals
07.19.05

By Asha Hawkesworth

Just how many people are homosexual? A lot of people claim to know. If you're on the right side of the fence, the numbers are low, less than 2% of the population. If you're more on the left side of the fence, you probably support Alfred Kinsey's 10% figure. But nobody really knows, of course, because most homosexuals remain firmly closeted. Some are so closeted that they can't even acknowledge that they're homosexual to themselves.
The far right, of course, has a vested interest in keeping the "official" numbers of homosexuals low. Because if it's a small minority, then it's easier to call homosexuality an aberration, or worse. So they'll go out of their way to reduce any figure.

The more open left, however, wants to confirm the numbers scientifically, so that they can argue from solid ground, much like staking a claim against Creationism with the hard facts of evolution. There's nothing wrong with this approach. However, it will inevitably provide us with a figure that, while higher than the right's, is far too low.

Sex is a private affair, and homosexual sex even more so. The ramifications for being "different" in that way are great: social stigmatism, possible rejection by your own family, lack of legal protection and recognition, and, of course, the possibility of physical violence. The people who acknowledge their own homosexuality and embrace this path are incredibly brave. But many are not that brave. And there lies a potentially large number of hidden homosexuals.

How many unknown gays and lesbians have entered into heterosexual marriages because that is the path expected of them? How many led unfulfilled, perhaps miserable lives until they died? How many preferred this misery to facing the knowledge of their own homosexuality? I know a little something about this. Because, until recently, I was one of those people.

I had lesbian experiences as a pre-teen, but as I got older, I viewed that part of my life as "normal experimentation by an adolescent." I was attracted to boys. I was supposed to be attracted to boys. Therefore, I focused on boys. Dutifully, I had a series of unfulfilling relationships with several young men. I thought that they were unfulfilling because they simply "weren't the right guys." Eventually, I met the man I would marry.

My husband provided many wonderful characteristics that I had been missing from previous relationships, but I was still unfulfilled in my marriage. He is one of my best friends in the world, but it took me 12 years to figure out that he was my best friend and not really my ideal spouse. While I was still married to him, I met the woman who changed my life.

I moved in next door to this woman, and we became fast friends. Soon we couldn't stand to let a day go by without some contact. I hated having to go home after visiting her. After a few months of this, we realized we were falling in love. Since she had thought she was a heterosexual, too, it scared the hell out of both of us. Eventually, we had to admit to ourselves that we were in love, that we were lesbian, and that—holy cow—we probably had always been lesbian. That was a big shift.

It's been two years since that realization, and now that woman is my wife.

Some people may wonder how I could not know that I was a lesbian. And, looking back and seeing the obvious with 20/20 hindsight, I can understand that confusion. The reason, really, is safety. I don't mean physical safety. I mean emotional safety.

I have always felt different, like I didn't quite belong. But I always had the knowledge that my parents had certain expectations of me. If I met those expectations, I would be loved. If I didn't meet those expectations, they would withdraw their love. In short, my parents loved me very conditionally. So, if I did something they didn't like, I didn't necessarily stop the thing I was doing. But I learned to hide it. Some things I hid so well that I forgot where I put it. Being a lesbian was one of them.

Somewhere inside, I knew that if I were openly myself, openly a lesbian, that my parents would reject me. And I was right. When I married my lovely wife last year, they didn't come to my wedding. There were many excuses, but basically, that was their way of punishing me, and of withholding love. But I had grown up. I didn't need their approval any more, and I was able to stand up for myself and do it anyway. But at 35, it sure took me awhile to get there.

So, at 35 I grew up. But how many countless people never do? How many homosexuals are out there, trapped in unfulfilled lives because they are so afraid of the consequences that they can't even face the truth in themselves? You'll be happier this way, you lie to yourself. No, I like men. I'm not a lesbian. The greatest liar in the world is always your own mind.

Of course, if a person finds the courage to uncover this truth in themselves, it's not easy. I had to accept myself as a lesbian, accept my new relationship, leave my husband, reevaluate my past, and move into a netherworld where many people expect me to behave as a second-class citizen. (Hint: I refuse to.)

Some people do know this about themselves, of course, but they try to maintain two lives: a married, heterosexual facade, and their hidden "true" life. Former Governor James McGreevey is a classic example of trying to have it all. Bless his heart, he couldn't deny his truth, yet he couldn't face the rejection and loss of status that might occur if he came out of the closet.

Given the large numbers of people who, understandably, prefer denial to their own truth, I think that the percentage of homosexuals in the population is a lot larger than anybody thinks. I'm going to go out on a limb and even suggest that it's as high as 40%. I say that, unscientifically, because looking back at my own experience, I can more easily see the same patterns in others. And I see it around me a lot. If homosexuality were socially accepted and "no big deal," I think roughly half the population would be in a same-sex relationship at some point in their life. I also think a substantial percentage of people would switch back and forth easily, further blurring the line.

It's interesting to look back at people and imagine what they might have done if being homosexual had been an "acceptable" choice. What do Virginia Woolf, Sylvia Plath, and Shirley Jackson have in common? Feeling stifled in unfulfilled marriages, writing like crazy, then killing themselves. Hidden truths? Definitely. Hidden lesbians? Very possibly.

But then, all we have to do is look in our own families. Almost every family has at least one secret story in which a man or woman married, only to discover on their wedding night that their new spouse wasn't interested in sleeping with them. In the past, they probably remained together and lived a lie, arranging, perhaps, for children and the perfect heterosexual facade.

When you start looking for the hidden homosexuals, the numbers sure do go up. And that's pretty scary for those people who, like me, told themselves the biggest lie there is. Denial of one's own truth can become a twisted, hateful monster, and, as Mary Shelley noted in a famous book, the monster always does the most damage to its creator.

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And for a laugh via metaquotes, by chopincm:


Yesterday I went to trim my grandfather's shrubs... Through this experience I learned many a valuable lesson and now wish to share my wisdom with the world:

1. Choose your tools wisely. A manual variety will allow you to easily finesse your bush, while an electric-powered unit can git 'er done faster. Remember also, it's not the size that matters; it's how you use it.

2. Try to go for evenness and shapeliness. A lopsided bush can make a bad impression on visitors.

3. Don't trim your bush too short. Remember, you can always take off more later but you can't put any back on. Not everyone likes their bushes bald.

4. Bushes can be dangerous. If the bush is infested with critters, be very cautious and use some form of protection when working on it.

5. No two bushes are alike; make sure you get to know each one well before investing your time in it and risking potential disaster. Focus on one bush at a time - it will save you energy and help avoid confusion.

6. Don't be hasty. You can't dive into a bush like a madman and expect good results. Take your time, show it some love, and don't stop until it seems finished.

7. Think of the whole neighborhood and show off your hard work. Everybody can appreciate a nice-looking bush!