Grumbles and To Do's

Computer crashed. Again. The first time, the error report said some of my hardware might have overheated. This time it's saying it's because the internal modem needs a new driver. Right. Sure.

Anyway, I nearly forgot about the PacSci annual Toytest; so yeah, we're totally there. In about half an hour we'll leave to play. I'm hitting the new Legend of Zelda and maybe Narnia, and I have a feeling Ana will want to try out Zatch Bell, the Ninja Turtles, or SpongeBob. So! To pack a lunch, get us bundled, and off we go! We'll be hitting all the fun stuff down there today. No movies look good (that we haven't already seen), so it'll be play, play, play. Anything to get my mind off worrying.

Tomorrow it's a visit to the doctor to see what the heck is wrong with me innards. damashita gave me lots of good info on scar tissue problems and how she and other massage therapists help relieve them. But there may be more to this than scar tissue, so I'm just going to cover all my bases.

There are several job leads to which I need to apply, and I need to send out an email to my new writing group to confirm the date for our first meeting. My schedule's getting very packed again. It's a good thing we can't make it to one of the preschooler's birthdays, because I've nothing to offer as a present.

You scored as Albus Dumbledore. Strong and powerful you admirably defend your world and your charges against those who would seek to harm them. However sometimes you can fail to do what you must because you care too much to cause suffering. </td> Albus Dumbledore 85% Ginny Weasley 80% Ron Weasley 70% Remus Lupin 70% Harry Potter 65% Hermione Granger 60% Sirius Black 60% Draco Malfoy 60% Severus Snape 50% Lord Voldemort 30% Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...? created with QuizFarm.com

Now I'm mimicking damashita. But at least my next closest on the list is Ginny Weasley. Yeah, baby. *big grins*

Calloo Callay! Frabjous Day!

YES! YES! YEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(If I had neighbors downstairs, they'd probably think I'm having great sex right now.)

I just got home from Pacific Science Center and was laying down on the couch to breath in some cool air (we're dressed for the cold, and it got hot out there), and the phone rang. Who was calling? Well, my intuition said it was someone I wanted to speak with, and . . .

UTILIKILTS WANTS TO INTERVIEW ME!!!

Yippee! Friday at 1:30pm. Press your thumbs and cross your fingers. I'm gonna be an Official Kilt Inspector. *giggles wildly*

Alchemy

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being,
then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."
- Abraham H. Maslow

"We know separation so well because we've tasted the union.
The reed flute makes music because it has already experienced
changing mud and rain and light into sugarcane.
Longing becomes more poignant if in the distance you can't
tell whether your friend is going away or coming back."
- Rumi (as translated by Coleman Barks)

So much learning on this endless spiral. I wish I could keep myself from looking down, and always look ever forward or upward, but if I did not look back now and then, stumbling with vertigo, would I remember what I have gained? And if I always walked with a proud head and carefully balanced steps, would I be humble in the face of great wisdom?

Oh, perhaps in my next lifetime I will have learned enough this time around that I can have a peaceful, easy life before continuing on. Or is it that because of my impatience to grow and become more, an impatience that is surely at the core of my being, I chose so many obstacles and lessons this time around? Just cram it all in in one big bundle to get it over with? Ah, but I do not suffer so greatly! I am not, as one might tell me, starving in Africa, riddled with flies and dysentery while my children are raped by diseased men who think sex with virgins will cure them of AIDS. See? Life's not nearly so bad for me, once I put it into perspective. *beams* Still, I'd like to be able to pay my bills and be forever a part of a loving, close-knit, functional family. (It's the functional I'm having problems with, but we'll get there eventually.)

This too shall pass, and when it does, I'll be looking up into the bright lights ahead and forget for a while that I too can trip up now and then.

How long 'til my soul gets it right?

* * * * *

Two surprising things this week for which I'm grateful:

1) Monday evening, I received a call from my father who had returned to Arizona from his trip to see all of us up here. Now, he rarely calls me, and usually just sends little messages through my grandmother. So that he called was a bit strange, especially after having seen me. We talked about their trip, and how we've been doing and then he talked to Ana for a while. When she returned the phone to me, he mentioned how she was getting better at talking on the phone, and after a few more exchanges added, "I love you. I miss you." I was stunned, and as I mouthed something back to him that I think he heard, in my head, I was asking, "Who are you and what have you done with my father?" He'd said it with genuine feeling. He sounded as though he missed me, and he didn't use the word "we" like he usually does. He misses me, and it took a while for that to settle enough for me to cry over it. We've actually gotten to the point where he doesn't belittle me, and I feel no reason to rebel against him. And he misses me. Even now I'm crying.

2) Today at Pacific Science Center, they had some long picnic tables set up under a tent outside by the water works. We went and ate separate from the many summer camp groups there, enjoying our lunch, and throwing broken Pringles to the pigeons that crowded around our feet. There was a squawking sound, and Ana identified it as a seagull. I told her how proud I was of her. Then that seagull, seeing how the pigeons were faring, got really bold and hopped up onto our table. We tossed it a few chips, and when it realized it wasn't getting anything more from us, turned and ran down to the end of our row, and snatched up a chicken wing from a little girl, taking off as fast as it could while the girl's family ducked in shock. There was much laughter all around, though the father kept eying me like it was somehow my fault. Just because I know to give tribute when I see that look in an animal's eyes, doesn't mean I should be blamed when they didn't do the same. Somehow I knew that if I didn't give it something willingly, it was going to peck out Ana's sandwich--or eyes--depending upon which it got to first. I only wish I'd followed my intuition and whipped out the camera, because the chaos the bird caused nearby was priceless and unlikely to happen again when I'm thusly prepared. I did remember to get a shot of my favorite panel of the bus stop by Key Arena, though. :)