![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Communication, Honesty, and Expectation
Sep. 20th, 2009 02:12 pmTake this as you will, since it comes from someone never married who may never get married.
It baffles me how many people there are (in this country alone) who get married without ever discussing with their soon-to-be-spouse about what marriage means to them and what expectations they have for a spouse.*
How can anyone expect to have a happy marriage, if they never express what to them a happy marriage would be? A friend of mine is currently struggling as she witnesses two people who have decided to get married, yet already they do not communicate about their feelings, expectations, or boundaries. While such things often change over the course of a lifetime (and a relationship), that relationship already has an expiration date on it because nothing is expressed except as an emotional outburst after something displeasing has occurred, complete with anger that the other partner didn't know the first partner's expectations (despite not having expressed them).
I've certainly been a part of relationships that involve a lack of communication, and have even gotten into relationships with people knowing that it would be an aspect of our involvement. It's not smart of me, but I do my best to be aware and provide honesty and communication as an example. However, I would never consider marriage with anyone at this point in my life if I did not have reciprocal, honest communication with a partner. It just won't work. I'm baffled at the multitude of people--young and old--who choose to bind themselves emotionally, physically, and financially with those with whom they have no conversations involving defining what it is they want and need in their relationship.
Am I the only one who finds it frustrating?
*(I acknowledge that this is often not even a factor in cultures where marriages are clearly defined and/or are established by families rather than individuals.)
And now for something completely different:
It baffles me how many people there are (in this country alone) who get married without ever discussing with their soon-to-be-spouse about what marriage means to them and what expectations they have for a spouse.*
How can anyone expect to have a happy marriage, if they never express what to them a happy marriage would be? A friend of mine is currently struggling as she witnesses two people who have decided to get married, yet already they do not communicate about their feelings, expectations, or boundaries. While such things often change over the course of a lifetime (and a relationship), that relationship already has an expiration date on it because nothing is expressed except as an emotional outburst after something displeasing has occurred, complete with anger that the other partner didn't know the first partner's expectations (despite not having expressed them).
I've certainly been a part of relationships that involve a lack of communication, and have even gotten into relationships with people knowing that it would be an aspect of our involvement. It's not smart of me, but I do my best to be aware and provide honesty and communication as an example. However, I would never consider marriage with anyone at this point in my life if I did not have reciprocal, honest communication with a partner. It just won't work. I'm baffled at the multitude of people--young and old--who choose to bind themselves emotionally, physically, and financially with those with whom they have no conversations involving defining what it is they want and need in their relationship.
Am I the only one who finds it frustrating?
*(I acknowledge that this is often not even a factor in cultures where marriages are clearly defined and/or are established by families rather than individuals.)
And now for something completely different:
El perro, el perro, es mi corazón.
El gato, el gato, el gato no es bueno.
Cilantro es cantante,
Cilantro es muy famoso
Cilantro es el hombre con el queso del diablo.
El perro, el perro, es nunca sin raison
El gato, el gato, el gato es obseno
Cilantro es caliente
Cilantro es carinoso
Cilantro le da besos mejor de su esposo
~ "Cilantro/El Perro" written by Dan Navarro for Family Guy (guitar tabs here)
