Undervaluing the Self

[neversremedy8]

I used to like using eHow articles for certain projects or gaining insight into the methods people employ to do . . . almost anything. But now that I get paid to write articles for eHow, I don't trust the ones I find on the site. Wow. Talk about an obvious case of undervaluing myself and my work.

Coming to "voice" this (I haven't said it out loud, but writing it is as good as . . .), I suddenly realize how often I have done that. Any place willing to employ me for skills I don't think are up to snuff must not be very good. At least, that's the underlying message I'm telling myself when I don't trust that other eHow articles are worth their salt, despite using several in the past to work on crafts or other manual projects.

Also, I'm feeling embarrassed about oversharing on someone else's blog. Things I've never said in a public forum are now copied and multiplied across several mirror sites, and I don't know if it would do any good at all to just erase them. It's a truth that makes people uncomfortable, and it probably doesn't need to be spoken. I've contacted the individual running to blog to see if he would like me to remove my comment, but . . . the damage, at least to those who didn't need to know that, is done. I don't even know why I thought it was a good idea to bring it up. Exhaustion?

For anyone who doesn't know it, I've had a trying week (1, 2, 3), and this morning is not looking any better. Ana was caught playing on her laptop with only two days left until she gets video games back. There's another week added on. And Taigil has a gash on his back left paw that I have to monitor and clean every hour to make sure it doesn't get infected.

I also feel run down today, and there's a lot for me to do. Having a clean environment would make me feel better. Finding the energy and strength to get through the cleaning is a major challenge today.

I know I haven't been posting here much. The holidays made it all the worse for me to try to get any connecting done online, and I'm now posting and updating in far too many places. If you are curious, I'm posting most in the following:

http://willowandbirch.wordpress.com (homeschooling blog)
http://neversremedy.wordpress.com (where I'm hosting the "Improving Raven Project" updates)
http://www.facebook.com/neversremedy/

If you come to my LJ directly, I have all (or at least most) of my relevant links on the left hand side panel. I apologize to all of my friends here who have stuck by me on LJ; I come from time to time to read, and I know I don't comment often, but most of my time on LJ these days is logged in at my writing journal. My co-author and I are almost done with draft zero of book 3, and then we'll put the finishing touches on book 1 with one fierce, glorious editing pass that'll leave us frothing at the mouth for weeks, and then we'll present it to an agent.

I'm rather nervous about this prospect, and if I don't get over my undervaluing ways soon, I might end up not trusting anything the publisher sells if they also sell my work . . . and that's just self-defeating, but I am my best saboteur, it would seem.

How does one defeat oneself in order to preventing defeating oneself?

Comments

[reginaclarejane.livejournal.com]

oh, raven- it's so good to hear from you. i think of you and your mom often. it does sound like you have your hands full. but congrats on the many good things... :)

as for defeating the defeatist in us... i have no idea... one step at a time, i suppose... :)
love you
xo

[neversremedy.livejournal.com]

*hug* I think of you, too. :)

[betsycontent.livejournal.com]

raven, dearest . . . you're not alone. i feel the exact same way about the fact that i'm paid to write ehow articles now! it's like the old woody allen joke, "i don't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member." :)

when i was a tournament chess player, my russian grandmaster chess coach, boris kogan, told me, on many occasions, that the only person stopping me from being the best in the world was myself. igor ivanov, another russian grandmaster, told me the same thing. so i guess the answer is: we need to figure out how to get out of our own way. now, that would be a great ehow article. :) love you. <3

[jodawi.livejournal.com]

send me linky to latest draft of booke 1
+ have you tried CoQ10?

[betsycontent.livejournal.com]

i've tried coq10. didn't notice much difference. you?

[(Anonymous)]

I started taking CoQ10 and vitamin B complex at the same time. Some dramatic results, but experiment spoiled since I can't say for sure that it was just the CoQ10. At some point I'll stop it for a month or so and then try it again.

[eila.livejournal.com]

I've been taking my B-complex for over a month now, so I'll know if I add something new whether or not it's helping.

Also, Kaneka CoQ10 apparently needs some other minerals and vitamins (K2, magnesium, zinc) as supporting factors to make it absorb well and function. It also helps to consume CoQ10 that's made from fermentation, as it's easier to digest and get greater benefits from.

Oh, and pertinent to you, CoQ10 is inhibited by some beta blockers and statins. Supplementation is usually recommended in conjunction with such prescriptions. It's also been shown to reduce symptoms in sufferers of chronic migraines.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coenzyme_Q10#Absorption_and_metabolism

[neversremedy.livejournal.com]

I'll give your gmail account access to new files shortly. One at a time; co-author demands section-by-section feedback now.

I'd never heard of CoQ10 until this comment, so um, no.

[betsycontent.livejournal.com]

i used it for 3 months when we lived on 145th, and i was trying all those drugs that are supposed to improve clarity and intelligence. they are called "nootropics."

[jodawi.livejournal.com]

Ima give you some sometime, see if improves the you energy levels.

[eila.livejournal.com]

Give me some time? I have to be able to afford the supplements before I can take 'em.