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Undervaluing the Self
Jan. 6th, 2011 10:23 amI used to like using eHow articles for certain projects or gaining insight into the methods people employ to do . . . almost anything. But now that I get paid to write articles for eHow, I don't trust the ones I find on the site. Wow. Talk about an obvious case of undervaluing myself and my work.
Coming to "voice" this (I haven't said it out loud, but writing it is as good as . . .), I suddenly realize how often I have done that. Any place willing to employ me for skills I don't think are up to snuff must not be very good. At least, that's the underlying message I'm telling myself when I don't trust that other eHow articles are worth their salt, despite using several in the past to work on crafts or other manual projects.
Also, I'm feeling embarrassed about oversharing on someone else's blog. Things I've never said in a public forum are now copied and multiplied across several mirror sites, and I don't know if it would do any good at all to just erase them. It's a truth that makes people uncomfortable, and it probably doesn't need to be spoken. I've contacted the individual running to blog to see if he would like me to remove my comment, but . . . the damage, at least to those who didn't need to know that, is done. I don't even know why I thought it was a good idea to bring it up. Exhaustion?
For anyone who doesn't know it, I've had a trying week (1, 2, 3), and this morning is not looking any better. Ana was caught playing on her laptop with only two days left until she gets video games back. There's another week added on. And Taigil has a gash on his back left paw that I have to monitor and clean every hour to make sure it doesn't get infected.
I also feel run down today, and there's a lot for me to do. Having a clean environment would make me feel better. Finding the energy and strength to get through the cleaning is a major challenge today.
I know I haven't been posting here much. The holidays made it all the worse for me to try to get any connecting done online, and I'm now posting and updating in far too many places. If you are curious, I'm posting most in the following:
http://willowandbirch.wordpress.com (homeschooling blog)
http://neversremedy.wordpress.com (where I'm hosting the "Improving Raven Project" updates)
http://www.facebook.com/neversremedy/
If you come to my LJ directly, I have all (or at least most) of my relevant links on the left hand side panel. I apologize to all of my friends here who have stuck by me on LJ; I come from time to time to read, and I know I don't comment often, but most of my time on LJ these days is logged in at my writing journal. My co-author and I are almost done with draft zero of book 3, and then we'll put the finishing touches on book 1 with one fierce, glorious editing pass that'll leave us frothing at the mouth for weeks, and then we'll present it to an agent.
I'm rather nervous about this prospect, and if I don't get over my undervaluing ways soon, I might end up not trusting anything the publisher sells if they also sell my work . . . and that's just self-defeating, but I am my best saboteur, it would seem.
How does one defeat oneself in order to preventing defeating oneself?
Coming to "voice" this (I haven't said it out loud, but writing it is as good as . . .), I suddenly realize how often I have done that. Any place willing to employ me for skills I don't think are up to snuff must not be very good. At least, that's the underlying message I'm telling myself when I don't trust that other eHow articles are worth their salt, despite using several in the past to work on crafts or other manual projects.
Also, I'm feeling embarrassed about oversharing on someone else's blog. Things I've never said in a public forum are now copied and multiplied across several mirror sites, and I don't know if it would do any good at all to just erase them. It's a truth that makes people uncomfortable, and it probably doesn't need to be spoken. I've contacted the individual running to blog to see if he would like me to remove my comment, but . . . the damage, at least to those who didn't need to know that, is done. I don't even know why I thought it was a good idea to bring it up. Exhaustion?
For anyone who doesn't know it, I've had a trying week (1, 2, 3), and this morning is not looking any better. Ana was caught playing on her laptop with only two days left until she gets video games back. There's another week added on. And Taigil has a gash on his back left paw that I have to monitor and clean every hour to make sure it doesn't get infected.
I also feel run down today, and there's a lot for me to do. Having a clean environment would make me feel better. Finding the energy and strength to get through the cleaning is a major challenge today.
I know I haven't been posting here much. The holidays made it all the worse for me to try to get any connecting done online, and I'm now posting and updating in far too many places. If you are curious, I'm posting most in the following:
http://willowandbirch.wordpress.com (homeschooling blog)
http://neversremedy.wordpress.com (where I'm hosting the "Improving Raven Project" updates)
http://www.facebook.com/neversremedy/
If you come to my LJ directly, I have all (or at least most) of my relevant links on the left hand side panel. I apologize to all of my friends here who have stuck by me on LJ; I come from time to time to read, and I know I don't comment often, but most of my time on LJ these days is logged in at my writing journal. My co-author and I are almost done with draft zero of book 3, and then we'll put the finishing touches on book 1 with one fierce, glorious editing pass that'll leave us frothing at the mouth for weeks, and then we'll present it to an agent.
I'm rather nervous about this prospect, and if I don't get over my undervaluing ways soon, I might end up not trusting anything the publisher sells if they also sell my work . . . and that's just self-defeating, but I am my best saboteur, it would seem.
How does one defeat oneself in order to preventing defeating oneself?
